Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The Fish

The fish is wading into shallow waters, distantly feeling the impending sense of panic… it knows the net has been cast; it only waits to be tangled in its web. It cannot see a way out, nor does it have any hope that there might be one. It slowly wades towards the sharp twines of the web. It ponders its tortured, writhing battle for survival as it will be taken out of the ocean in one swift and smooth motion. It will be quiet, it knows, it cannot make a sound. But it's body, it's spirit will twist in pangs of anguish. It will gasp, and choke, and flap, and splatter, spilling its guts and its blood, gashing its flesh, battling for life again. But for now, it only silently ponders the imminent. It makes up its mind - to take one last and final gasp of the water it breathes - one large gulp of the freedom - before it dives into the last battle of its life.


Blogger innommable said...

I want to say something, but nothing comes, except this.

3/07/2006 03:06:00 AM  
Blogger Aethlos said...

what on earth are you going through?

3/07/2006 09:33:00 PM  
Blogger Aethlos said...

where are you going to be in july???

3/07/2006 11:06:00 PM  
Blogger Aethlos said...

This is not insurmountable. So you have to leave - surely it can't be forever. Surely there are ways back. You have a railroad to build. The Galt Line back to the United States. Do not for one second accept 'failure'. Are you already married? Marry a citizen if not. Lay every single piece of track by hand... all the way home and back. A year, five, ten, who cares, you're young, and you have a railroad to build. The sound of defeatism in your writing is not becoming of anyone who knows Dagny Taggart. BUILD YOUR RAILROAD BACK.

3/07/2006 11:17:00 PM  
Blogger Ergo Sum said...

You're right Aethlos, this is not insurmountable.. and I will certainly make my life the best it can be.. it's just that this current period.. it is NOW that I have to deal with. These present moments of uncertainty, sacrifice, confusion... I am angry at being placed in such a situation that forces me to do things I do not want to do...
And consider my living situation in India with my family - they are not willing to permit me to live by myself (not an "Indian" thing to do, they say, what will others think, they ask me indignantly!)... consider having to be forced to attend church, go to "confession", abstain during lent, gather for family prayers...
consider having to subjugate myself to "traditional Indian" values: family, family, family is supreme, always observe your behavior to suit societal mores, ugh!
Oh, not to mention.. my mom and dad are currently arguing over who to have me married off to!! Despite the fact that my mom is well aware that I'm gay... she believes if we pray hard enough I should be fine! If you deny it, it's not true. Right?

Damn. It sucks. For now it does. Yes, it is awfully defeatist. But I'll have to get out of there... and I will. As you said, for someone who knows Dagny and Kira, I cannot just whine and succumb. I won't.

3/07/2006 11:39:00 PM  
Blogger Aethlos said...

Oh GOD no... i WISH!... that's sonnet 29 - shakespeare!!! you can find all of them here:


3/07/2006 11:47:00 PM  
Blogger Aethlos said...

i add TONS of commentary on my Charlie Rose blog!!! read more of the posts! Also, email me directly at aethlos@gmail.com so i don't have to go through all these hoops and advertise our communication... :)

3/07/2006 11:55:00 PM  
Blogger PhoenixAtlantis said...

Is it possible for you to try and go to another Western country? Australia maybe?

3/08/2006 03:53:00 AM  
Blogger Tyrel said...

"It is only the irregularities of anguish and happiness, pain and joy, contentment and desire that creates the texture of life. Like scrubbing off your dead skin cells in the shower, so should the texture of life rub against your being and reveal the emergence of a newer, more livelier being." :)

3/08/2006 04:03:00 AM  
Blogger Ergo Sum said...

Tyrel, it's funny how you have to quote me to ME! It's good... reminds me of the many things I've written that I can get inspiration from. I actually forgot about that particular line you quoted that I wrote. I'm flattered that you still remember that!

3/08/2006 12:45:00 PM  
Blogger Semperviva said...

jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrry! i am alive!!!!!!!!!!1 i just been reallly really busy working and then 've been exhausted after work but i'm finally feeling back to normal... so hi! whats up!??

3/08/2006 08:08:00 PM  
Blogger Ergo Sum said...

Good to hear from you, once again! Yes, I'm being forced to cut short my life here in the US and leave... I've decided to go back to India as I can't figure out how else to go anywhere else, yet. I might take some time in India to plot out another plan to escape and come back out here or somewhere else. Who knows.

3/10/2006 01:18:00 AM  

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