Thursday, December 08, 2005

Come Up Here With Me

I cannot see beyond the flakes of white snow Singing their soft blues outside my office window My yearning eyes shielded by the porous art Searching… gleaning… a lonely lover’s heart. Down below, you sell your sorry plight You lose your joy, your passion and delight Melancholy sojourner, your head dips lower than the setting sun Your feet are heavy and yet you try to run If you could only make an upward glance And lose yourself in the movements of the trance If you could stop your steps and spread your arms Then raise your head and sing a heartfelt Psalm From up here on the thirteenth floor The ominous number of many a lore I would swallow the songs of your rising voice And add to the chorus of snow’s mirthful noise Together and apart, separated and joined Our souls would balance on a delicate point Between you below, and me above Embraced by the valiant sunset of love We can dance to the tune of our own rhythm Smother their shrieks of any Christmas hymn You can let yourself soar high and take flight Come up here and let’s waltz under the city lights.

11 Comments:

Blogger Ergo Sum said...

Hahahahahhaa!! It's so funny that I wrote a poem with a rhyming scheme!!! Ha! So elementary... it seems... yet, it was SOOO difficult to successfully write one that atleast seemed moderately "artistic".
But I'm happy... and proud with what I wrote. It's quite an exciting thing to have accomplished this! I thought I was utterly incapable of writing rhyming poetry!

12/08/2005 06:44:00 PM  
Blogger Semperviva said...

i always thought i was too but then again i havent tried since 4th grade

12/08/2005 06:57:00 PM  
Blogger Tyrel said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12/09/2005 06:03:00 PM  
Blogger Semperviva said...

what i love about snow is that quiet feeling and then you stand in it and look up and it feelos like you are going up... ever notice that?

12/09/2005 06:05:00 PM  
Blogger innommable said...

Oh! What a lovely little poem... but, hmmm... elementary, as you said.

aabb, ddcc, eeff, gghh, iijj, kkll... That's not such a difficult rhyme scheme. I fail to see the point of using one at all in this case. I mean, what is the rhetorical point? Also, you used different kinds of rhymes, too... dactylic, perfect, imperfect... That's cool though. It's cute.

Try writing a sonnet in iambic pentameter while actually saying something of substance, like Alexander Pope! There's a real challenge for you!

12/12/2005 03:09:00 AM  
Blogger Ergo Sum said...

Umm... Innommable, I have not used the "aabb, ddcc, eeff, gghh, iijj, kkll.." rhyming scheme. I doubt that there is even anything like that.

I think what you're trying to describe is the "aa bb" rhyme, which I have used.

As far as a "rhetorical" point -- I fail to see how a poem about snow could be construed as implying some rhetoric that you are trying to uncover. Nonethless, you are free to interpret it as you like.

The sole purpose of using rhyme in this poem is for its own sake -- for its artistic sake. It is a license I have used because this poem is mine. Ofcourse, I could have chosen to write it in free verse. But I didn't. Just like Alexander Pope could have written short, pithy, free verse poetry, but didn't. Whatever choices an artist makes, it should purely be for the sake of the art - primarily.

Hence, the answer to your question? There is no purpose for my use of rhyme, beyond the simple fact that I used that as a tool to express an artistic point.

Also, using different types and kinds of rhyming schemes in ONE poem is typically a disaster, unless it is in the most skilled hands. If you read the majority of rhyming poetry -- written by the greats and by the not-so-famous, you will notice mostly only one consistent rhyming scheme.

I think I have pulled off a rhyming scheme with moderate variation in its rhythm pretty smoothly.

Writing a sonnet in iambic pentameter -- that's the juvenile stuff of nursery's! Ofcourse, that doesn't mean it's easy. It just doesn't attract my interest. Typically, I can't seem to fit my expressions -- poetic or otherwise -- in a pithy version, like sonnets or precis, (note the length of this comment as evidence).

12/12/2005 09:39:00 AM  
Blogger Ergo Sum said...

Sasca, yea.. I think I have done that... looking up at the falling snow... but I don't think I ever noticed, or experienced that feeling of rising up...
Now that I imagine it, I think it would be cool... but I've never actually experienced that.

12/12/2005 09:44:00 AM  
Blogger innommable said...

Ergo, the scheme I was describing was taken from how you constructed it in the poem. None of the couplets rhyme with any of the other couplets. Therefore, I assigned a different letter to each couplet. The first being a, the second b, the third c, etc.

When I read a poem, I look for cohesion in its substance and formal qualities. The formal qualities, in many ways, complement and are informed by the substance of a poem. I always think of the formal qualities (and lots of other things) when I construct my free verse poems.

But do you see what I mean? I'm not trying to uncover some rhetoric about snow, I am trying to understand what the rhyme scheme has anything to do with this poem about snow falling, etc. Like why use that rhetorical device if it's not informed by the poem... hmmm... now that I think of it, Rhyme isn't really a rhetorical device, is it? It's more of a formal device... whatever, I think you know what I mean. I mean Rhyme as a Device.

Anyway, I never meant to imply that you were not free to use whatever tools you want as an artist. I do think, however, that in order to write a good poem one should carefully consider all the aspects of the poem one constructs. Thus my questioning of the rhyme. But if you say there's no purpose to it, Ok. It is your poem after all.

You know, it's too bad that most of my experiences with the snow falling happened from inside a bubble! Otherwise, the snow would probably have inspired me to write something, too!

Oh! I did see a man get run over by a truck because the truck driver didn't notice he had fallen in a pile of snow... Geez that was a scary!

12/12/2005 04:42:00 PM  
Blogger Ergo Sum said...

"Like why use that rhetorical device if it's not informed by the poem... hmmm... now that I think of it, Rhyme isn't really a rhetorical device, is it? It's more of a formal device... whatever, I think you know what I mean. I mean Rhyme as a Device."

I actually, don't know what you mean.
I don't know what you are asking.. or hoping to find out, by using the word "rhetorical"... I certainly was not conscious of using any "rhetorical" devices while writing this poem.
So, again, if you have found some hint of rhetoric or a device as such, feel free to explore it. It is art, it has been created, now it is out in the world -- to be plundered, if need be.

Why did I use a rhyming scheme? Just purely for the sake of it! For the sake of my poem - the artistic medium I chose - I used the tools I deemed best to express my metaphysical value-judgment of an evening of snowfall... and my abstractions of the emotions I felt with it.

All this should suffice. Typically, an artist never speaks much about his art... not as much as I have done.

12/12/2005 04:58:00 PM  
Blogger innommable said...

Well, I like to listen to the interior ruminations of an artist about his art.

12/12/2005 05:05:00 PM  
Blogger Ergo Sum said...

You should get into the field of Psychology, as your major in school. Seems like you love delving into the deep, dark, murkiness of people's minds.

12/12/2005 05:29:00 PM  

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