Monday, September 12, 2005

A Lover's Death

Along with every passing minute As you lay still on stranger’s bed I stood watching, With scales for eyes, No room for emotion Not any more. Only attempts at inadequate expressions. The emaciated hands of that clock on the wall Peeled away an hour, and then another I felt every deliberate pull of time Tearing tiny fibers of my heart. Maybe you noticed, Or maybe you heard the soft sound of muffled pain Because you mumbled something. I jumped at the feeble sound of your voice, Anchoring the possibility of my life On the very strength of those words – Every breath you took Pumped air into my lungs I focused on the rhythm of your heaving chest And learned the art of survival. I never loved you more as I had loved you then. In some time, You woke up and looked at me. It was a curious gaze – Like one would look at a fish in a bowl: Not important enough to contemplate But fascinating enough to stare Perhaps it was the scales in my eyes Or perhaps that is how I always seemed to you: An object of simple fascination I should have known this day would come. But how could I have seen the signs through my scaly eyes, They reflected nothing else but you, only you. How could I have heard the sounds of the siren, When I was drowning in the depths of viscous emotions? While time had further bruised my tattered heart, You struck the final blow – And no, not a loud and violent blow. No. Just a sharp, precise, and gentle sting. Like a needle in the hands of a surgeon, You pierced my heart – so expert your actions that I had not even felt the blood oozing. In fact, not blood, it was Love oozing from my heart. Pushing out through that tiny hole you made, Slowly but surely it kept flowing. And then the slow poison of indifference Crept into my head It was only then that I noticed what had happened I had felt no pain – just the void where love should have been I felt indifference where burning passion should have been The blow was struck And I had not even known. You had drained all the love in me And I had not even known You killed me so gently, You did it so lovingly.

3 Comments:

Blogger innommable said...

WOW! This is amazing! Love the symbolism, the imagery, the tone... EVERYTHING!

9/13/2005 04:07:00 AM  
Blogger pallavi said...

your poem was like a corridor to the past...my past...
and i'm astonished at the immaculate precision of its details...
if i were to narrate it to anyone, i'd quote you...

9/13/2005 11:53:00 AM  
Blogger Ergo Sum said...

Gosh! This is the BEST comment I've received so far for ANY of my works! Just the other day, I was lamenting about how people are so hesitant to make critcism about another's works... that they'd rather say NOTHING than make some honest criticism. And one does not need to be HARSH in going about doing it!
If you notice, I'm always going around people's blogs posting exactly what I think... if I like, I say I do. If I don't like it, I say I don't. If I think this person could write it better, I say it straightforward.
I'm glad finally someone decided to say something real like that! So here I quote Sasca, a.k.a Just an Ordinary Girl, and most recently a.k.a Cabrizella:


"well, i liked he poem, it was, hmmm, there was something about it that did
feel a bit "stunted" it just seems to me like it could flow more, there is
one part i really like alot about how the lover takes breath in and this
pumps air into you... i am not sure but its seems to me it would make more
sense if the lover's exhaling is what pumps breath into you? i just read it
and like the idea but then i was like- wait- that woulden't flow in a
natural sense, i dunno, i like the surgeon imaery most of all it is very
striking---the wholeidea of a surgery gone wrong like the surgeon is meant
to save your life not take it--- so it makes it all the more shocking that
he would let you die/bleed to death since its not what a surgeon does... so
emphasis on trust and then ensuing shock might kmake it more powerful but
i'm not sure....the ending i thought was a little bit cliche- i think you
can say the same thing in a more innovative way to make it more powerful--
if its an old truth said in a new way it strikes the heart more deeply it
seems but yeah i totally loev the idea i think you could make it amaaazing,
right now it hink its just ok... thats my honest opinion
sasca"

9/23/2005 01:44:00 PM  

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