Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Why does one need morals?

I have noticed this in me, a change; a very slow and deliberate journey that has changed the core of my identity. In previous years, I was a very devout, religious christian believer. My highest value was the knowledge of God and His intimate relation with me in my life. I will admit that there were many things I accepted on christian doctrinal faith, but there were also many more beliefs for which I pursued a rational and secular foundation. Nonetheless, my relationship with God had the quality of innocent acceptance and honest conversation. I called Him my father, my Dad, my Friend, my Own. I walked with Him, I talked with Him, I joked with Him. God was like my own happy secret. And yet, through all those years, I carried in me a very distinct feeling of shame and worthlessness. Infact, I enjoyed my status as "unworthy" and "insignificant" -- I thought I was practicing humility. In some strange way, I thought the more I degraded my human spirit, the more I exalted the spirit of God - like He could only gain supreme ascension through my self-descent. Before God, I thought, I am not even worthy of His pity, let alone His love. God, I thought, loved me only because HIS NATURE was love, NOT because I was WORTHY of being loved by Him. I did not believe there was any inherent quality in me that made me lovable to God. It was He, in all His benevolence and mercy, that loved me, a poor, miserable, mortal sinner. Ofcourse, the nature of this relationship with God can be seen as potentially very destructive to the human psyche; but THAT IS the point. The idea is in fact to reduce the ego, the identity of the self, the human psyche to the degree of such insignificance that there remains no shred of self-worth or pride in one's being. Some might argue that this is not the goal of religious belief: to degrade the human spirit. However, I believe that recognizing the essence of the magnanimity of "God" invariably leads one to feel like how I felt: so utterly insignificant in this grand scheme of God's awesome creation! Religion invariably makes you feel insignificant. Religious emphasis on the after-life and the soul invariably leads one to ignore or supress the experience of this material, real life, the personal concerns of this current world, the identity of the physical body, and the protection of one's ego. The religious virtue of humility is best achieved not by making a pretense at being insignificant, but at truly and fully believing that one is not worthy and achieving complete emotional, psychological, social, and physical insignificance! Religious virtue is in HONESTLY being able to say: I am NOTHING. I do NOTHING. All I am is an instrument for God to do His works through me. I have NO desires but to fulfill the desires of God. I do not deserve anything except that which God deems me worthy of having. It is a religious virtue to find your tongue licking the dirt of the ground... reducing yourself to dust, for that is what religion wants you to believe: You are nothing but dirt, and to dirt you shall return.


Blogger Semperviva said...

yeah the way you were seems like an exact description of me when i was in junior and senior year of high school...exactly...

7/06/2005 08:45:00 PM  
Blogger Semperviva said...

so how are you? who is the poem is yer job- do u like it?...

7/07/2005 02:03:00 AM  
Blogger innommable said...

Oh yeah, I'm sure this must ring true to a lot of ex "true believers." Such fools we all were! But what did we know?

7/07/2005 07:46:00 PM  
Blogger limitless said...

y do you use your own experience as factual prove of the nature of religion. before we delve more deeply into that let me first say this. religion is man made. god is not. you being an "ex" believer know that all you have to do is accept it you heart and proclaim it with your mouth that you believe he died for your sins and he is your lord. so if that portion resides in any faith. then those who believe it will be in heaven. but as far as feeling like you are nothing..i've got news for you lol you are. a small insignificant portion in this "grand creation" just think about how small you are in comparison to the world...the compare the world with the sun..then the sun with larger solar galaxies. yes my friend you are pretty small. doesn't mean its a bad thing. but once you realize can let go of such trivial things as making rent this month because you know that it is infinitely smaller than everything else. and the one who created it..cares about you. how amazing should that make you feel. as tiny as you truely are..he cares about you. an "ex"believer. while he still holds the stars in place..the sun at the right distance from earth so we dont burn or freeze. don't those seem like larger problems then even something that seems large as your entire family being massacred?(think selflessly before you answer that) the fools are the ones who refuse to believe for any reason. why defy something that only served you well. what wrong did GOD ever cause you. not the paster ...not another christian because they are sinners as well...but what wrong has Jesus ever caused you? if you can name one i commend you on achieving the impossible. He exists and he loves you, as cliche as that must be to you why push him away ...only to embrace..other lost souls who still haven't figured out the meaning of life...?

1/08/2009 11:11:00 PM  

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